I'm.Gonna.Soak.Up.The.Sun [entries|friends|calendar] Nothing_ up ahead--> or in the rear veiw<-- mirror [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

(1 Laid.Out. x Get.Some.Sun.) [25 Jan 2005|05:10pm] things happen in our lives that are unexplainable half the time i dont know why their happening or how do deal w/them, i want to hide and just give up on everything that could possibly be good in my life thats when I have decided that i just have to realize that there is no right and wrong only the consequences of my actions do whatever you can to make yourself happy dont worry about the what ifs just do it cause that happines is not always going to be around

(3 Laid.Out. x Get.Some.Sun.) [21 Jan 2005|02:05am] its amazing how some people can be so stupid sometimes your gonna have to think of something a lot worse to do to even attempt to hurt my feeligns booo hooo lol probably not nice try maybe later its fucking rediculous

(1 Laid.Out. x Get.Some.Sun.) Im in love [04 Nov 2004|02:24pm] [ mood | determined ] Im in LOVE with burberry purses cute jewlry nice cloths expensive trendy shoes yummy smelling perfume top shelf makeup awesome new hair styles reading the hottest magazines getting in shape doing everything and anything that has to do with making myself look amazing anything that has ABSOLUTLY POSITIVLY NOTHING TO DO WITH GUYS

(Get.Some.Sun.) blah blah blah [15 Oct 2004|07:06pm] [ mood | bitchy ] Im a fucking idiot and your a fucking ASSHOLE So ya how bout that, guess were even

(Get.Some.Sun.) Just a lil uneasy [14 Oct 2004|07:27pm] [ mood | apathetic ] so im not gonna lie things have been pretty up and down and sometimes all around shitty latley i dont think a day has passed when i havent cried yet laughed at the same time im just at a akward stage where things just seem to hit me a little harder and a little more often then expected i make mistakes actually i make alot of mistakes and you would think that i would eventually get it right and learn that the only reason the same thing happens to me over and over again the only reason i get so upset over some guy is because i just let it get to me,i always over anaylz the situation i dont just let things roll, i give in to fast and i dont catch myself before i fall or better off i just dont realize that im falling at the wrong time, wrong reason and for the wrong person i want so despartly to have that *someone* that i put all their flaws behind me and all mine up front, i thing of every reason that they wouldnt want me that i try to do everything possible to make them happy i go out of MY WAY to do things for them and when things dont work out i blam myself its always what did I do wrong, or what does this mean, or he said that so maybe it must mean something else, maybe Im just over reacting, maybe if I just do this, BLAH BLAH BLAH  its always fucking I I I and for the first time i have realized its not always all MY fault &)* just didnt see the real me, &*) never really wanted me, &*) just wasnt worth it and &*) didnt deserve me &*) was just a smooth talking asshole, but ya know what I didnt do anything wrong    i really am just over everything at the moment i just want things to get to a semi normall point where i can start fresh and eventually learn to trust not only someone else but better yet trust in MYSELF i have alot to think about now besides just myself, since my brother is goin over to Iraq now my neice and nephew will be living here with us and i swear to God im gonna do everything possible to make these kids happy, they have had such a hard life so far i dont want them to ever feel like i have or question themselves in anyway or feel like any of what is happening is their fault i just want this for the rest of this year and all of 05 to pass by smoothly i just want for things to start lookin up and somehow im gonna make that happen *I know something is comming, i dont know what it is, but i know its amazing, you save me, my time is comming and i'll find my way out of this longest drought*

(2 Laid.Out. x Get.Some.Sun.) whatever [04 Oct 2004|12:49am] [ mood | crushed ] ATTENTION ATTENTION ALL GUYS ARE @$$HOLES YES EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU SO DONT ASK ME IF YOUr INCLUDED AND IF YOUR NOT AN ASSHOLE ITS BECAUSE YOUR A) taken B) gay did good didnt cry few tears but nothing big dont know what to do dont know how to act over it hurt you had it set up almost perfect never wanted to feel like this towards you didnt think that i ever would really kinda want cm to beat the shit outta ya oh well whatever

(1 Laid.Out. x Get.Some.Sun.) Go away [25 Sep 2004|08:13pm] [ mood | aggravated ] i am so over this fuckin hurrican bullshit it is REDICULOUS everyone runnin around bein assholes waiting FOREVER to get gas no water left in the stores everything closes early worried about power going out where to park your car so some random tree doesnt come crashing down onto it i swear there is some new hurrican a brewin like every other day some miss us the majority of them hit us im just over it BACK OF JEANNE IM NOT IN THE MOOD

(1 Laid.Out. x Get.Some.Sun.) who ever said life was fair [19 Sep 2004|11:29pm] [ mood | confused ] so i dunno lifes been kinda funny these past couple of days things have been going on that are well kinda scary and all in all i just really dunno no mores i have a big attitude latley i dunno why i feel like i have a huge wall up towards people who i dont really have a reason to be like that towards im cryin like everyday something is goin on with me and i cant exactly figure it out thats horrible why you cant even figure out what is wrong with your own self all i know is something needs to be done oh one more thing just wanted to say Cassie I <3 U

(Get.Some.Sun.) No more Wisdom [10 Sep 2004|02:01pm] [ mood | groggy ] lol so ya i got my wisdom teeth pulled yesterday wasnt to scared about it until i actually got to the doctors office then i decided that i didnt exactly want to do this anymore hahaha or so i said but i was a lil happy on the valume they had given me so im guessin it didnt take them to long to calm me down and get the IV in me i remember them tryin to talk to me and ask me all kinda of questoins supposivly i gave some pretty interesting answeres...thats what they told me later but after that the next thing i knew i was being wheeled out to the car to go home my stepmom says i wouldnt stop laughing the whole ride home and even gettin out of the wheel chair into the car i thought it was the funniest thing...lol i dunno kinda dont like knowin waht i was doing OR SAYING FOR THAT MATTER anyway... slept for about a good 4 hrs and when i woke up i was in an EXTREME amount of pain i was crying and i even cusSed at my daddy WHICH I NEVER DO but he let it slide since i was still dopped up...THANK GOD lol so ya i finally was able to move around and i HAD TO GO GET MY STUPID FIGNER PRINTS DONE....soooo cass and chris came and took me THANKS YOU GUYS :)... it was a lil weird being in a ploice station when your a lil messed up on pills i didnt want them to think i was drunk or something...lol but it was all good so ya second day and i just got done eatin some eggs...it hurts reallly bad to chew so i only got a couple of bites down but oh well its something other then that its been a pretty chill week really hope this fucker Ivan makes a turn and goes the hell away im so sick of this rain and no power and what not its gettin rediculous florida has never gotten hit this many times in a row before and well lets just hope it never happens again other wise im gettin the hella outta here lol alright well i better go lay down bye bye

(2 Laid.Out. x Get.Some.Sun.) KEGS HERE [12 Aug 2004|07:53pm] [ mood | accomplished ] so ya last night was awesome crystal and i had a party and surprisingly everything went perfect i got off a lil later then expected so i already had people at the apparment by the time i got there so ya crystal and kyle went and got the keg while melanie and i were racin around tryin to get dressed and showered and changed there was a few people waitin around for the keg to get there but we had hunch punch to hold them over...YUMMM I DID GOOD hahaha so ya finally im in the shower and all i hear is someone scream KEGS HERE lol ya so i knew it was definatly time to hurry up so i did the whole hair and makeup thing as quickly as possible a bunch of people came and surprisingly EVERYONE GOT ALONG there was no drama at all THANK YOU GOD there was people from my work people from crystals work high school friends new college friends and then there was friends of friends of friends lol everyone just had an awesome time we actually made money :) i was so happy everything worked out seeing as how i had wanted to have a party for a while :) so ya the night was great it was an awesome night i think i already said that haha alright welll hopefully we'll be doin this again sometime soon lata

(2 Laid.Out. x Get.Some.Sun.) Im sorry [31 Jul 2004|10:47pm] [ mood | scared ] Im so tired of living in the WHAT IF'S and trying to analyze what things mean i wish everything was just simple that i would just let things take its course and deal with what happens later i wish that i had confidence in myself and the things that i do that i felt that i was worth while for someone i hate the fact that i am so used to being used and then completely forgotten that i have gotten so accustome to it that when someone is actually nice to me i dont know what to do or how to act that im afraid to call them and try and make somewhat of an effort because i am so confinced that they would never want anything more with me i hate wonderin what he REALLY means by this comment or that or what the phone call was about or who that was on the phone with him or what he thinks about him or her i hate questioning every little acting that takes place but for some reason i can never seem to help it i hate that i try and act tuff and pretend that if this doesnt work out and it just turns into another thing of the past that im not gonna be upset and im not gonna be hurt cause the fact is i am im gonna be hurt really really hurt and i dont like that at all im not as strong as i wanna be and thats not good cause i never seem to fall for the right people so i know its comming i just dont know exactly when or how soon but its got to happen cause its me and well it always does

(1 Laid.Out. x Get.Some.Sun.) only 390$ more to go [30 Jul 2004|02:12pm] [ mood | anxious ] so i went shoppin at the mall of mellenia yesterday sweetlord do i love that mall i got a really cute skirt from Hollister checked up on my shirt from Urban Outfitters that i am not yet ready to buy bought the most adorable flair top from Anthropology made a quick stop into the LV store and then i headed for Burberry where i fell in love i mean heels over head kind of love there is the most adorable purse in there that i absolutly MUST HAVE along with the matchin watch but hey im just focusing on one thing at a time so yes my stepmom paid me today 150$ for workin for her and so there ya go...150 down and only 390$ more to go before i'll have my purse and if you think about it i can probably have it within the next couple months if my paychecks continue to be in the 200 range AWESOME it has actually given my something to look forward to im a dork i know but hey everyone was off gettin their LV's and i never got one and my daddy sure as hell wasnt gonna run and buy me one so i found something better and cuter and im just gonna have to work for it...which in the long run is goin to make having it 100x more better but neway only 15more days till my celly phone is turned off and then i have to go buy a new one thats gonna be fun i hate shoppin for cell phones and tryin to figure out which plan to be on and being somewhat of a ditzy girl i swear they always try to dick me over...but i dunno maybe i can convince my daddy into going with me just to help me pick oh ya got a credit card today so that i can start "Building my Credit" lol i dunno that just sounds funny but ya dad wants me to do that so that i can sign my own appartment lease and and cell phone and stuff cause my stepmom wants me to move out so i dont exactly know what havin a credit card has to do with that but somehow it relates so ya im done ramblin on i work 5-9 tonight and then im goin to one of my friends parties sooo yup im out

(Get.Some.Sun.) [26 Jul 2004|08:37pm] [ mood | curious ] so it was a rather uneventful weekend cass n chris and the rest of the family went to tampa for the weekend so that was a bit of a lonely bummer no trips to 7'11 but its okay cause i know they totally missed me...lol so ya umm i worked like all week and i worked frinight 2...didnt even leave fazolis till like 12 then i came home and slept...had to wake up at 5 to say goodbye to my family who is out of town for the week they all went to NC...must be nice to get 2 vactions in one summer while im stuck here workin and going to school...oh well i have the house to myself :) but ya then i had to get up at 10 so that i could go deliver something for my stepmoms business...crystal came with me and then we stop and ate lunch at sunnys it was yummy all the SPOONING AND HEY HOW BOUT THAT KNIFING...LOL neway sun i slept in really late and then my sister came over to say hi cause she just got back from south africa...i wish i could have gone with her...but she brought me back all the yummy food and a bunch of pics so its all good but ya i worked sun night then came home...few people came over...not a good idea some things happened that i wasnt to happy bout so wont do that again but neway parents called to say they would be home early...yuck okay so from above this point_____________________ i wrote that all last night and now its tues and i just got back from school so i figure i better go ahead and post this before it takes me another 12 hours to do oh but i had a good night

(3 Laid.Out. x Get.Some.Sun.) 6yrs [20 Jul 2004|12:13am] [ mood | calm ] so its been 6yrs ago today that my mom passed away and for some reason the pain is all still the same and it feels like so much more time has gone by ya know that sayin time will ease your pain and i guess it has somewhat but i still go into my crying fits such as i did today and the pain is still there just as strong as it was the day she died just as strong as it was the day we found out she had cancer now of course just cause today is the aniversary doesnt make it any more or less difficult it just makes it more real...or more realized should i say i miss her im always going to miss her and im gonna cry and scream from time to time and im gonna wanna just give up and hate everyone and i guess thats okay to but i know that im gonna be okay and i know deep down that she knew that too so iv made it this far and so far so good im pround of myself and the person i am becoming instead of just stayin the person i was or tryin to be the person im not so even though shes not here and i didnt get to have her help me grow up she was helping me in ways that i didnt even know so goodnight everyone ~Sleep with the angels mama~

(Get.Some.Sun.) go away [11 Jul 2004|11:21pm] [ mood | worried ] i really wish memories wouldnt just pop into my head uninvited im doing fine without them REALLY I AM

(1 Laid.Out. x Get.Some.Sun.) Just a stage? [11 Jul 2004|08:38pm] [ mood | dorky ] so latley i have been feelin kinda weird around my *friends* and what not like im not really hangin out with the people that im used to being with but then again its a good thing to start haning out with new ones and i do have alot of fun with them but i didnt think that the *friends* that i usual was with would just totally stop hangin out i mean ya i have seen them here and there but i still feel like its a struggle to even talk to them and i know college and stuff is startin were in school and we work and some of them have bf's that they need to spend time with and are gettin more serious with but still its just weird not haning out with some of my *friends* i was thinkin maybe it was just a stage and everything will work out but i guess all in all im just sayin i miss hangin out with my *friends* but neway i just got off work and im smelly hungry and sleepy not a good combo so im thinkin a shower some food and an early night should help oh ya one more thing you know how you do something and you know its not a totally good thing to be doing but you do it anyway cause for some reason as wrong as it feels it feels so right at the same time and you know its not a good idea and things could get really complicated ya well i dunno i kinda liek this feeling...that made no sense im sorry im a dork i know lol alright night

(1 Laid.Out. x Get.Some.Sun.) Heaven Sent [07 Jul 2004|07:25pm] [ mood | optimistic ] well today was actually awesome i got up and went to class...turned in my paper and wrote another one with my group then i came home slept till about 11:30 woke up picked up nash from SS got some yummy Subway and then this is the best part i went SHOPPING i really wasnt plannin on findin much but ya i definatly hit all the sales it was awesome and so relaxin cause i was by myself and just kinda strollin around tryin this and that on it was so much fun i got a totally cute shirt from AF and then i got a bunch of stuff from AE ya 30% off red marked prices so basically EVERYTHING WAS CHEAP AS HELL i loved it hahaha so then i got myself a coffee from Barnies strolled around a lil more and headed home so now im just sittin here enjoyin the rest of my day of no work and tryn to figure out what im gonna do for dinner i have the worst cravin for something like mexican i dunno hahaha im in a really good moood though last night was fun too it was stephs and yvonne's bday so they had a kegger didnt know many people but it was nice to get out but ya hopefully the week will keep going nicely alright im out

(1 Laid.Out. x Get.Some.Sun.) Scotty Doesnt Know OHHHHHH [29 Jun 2004|08:41pm] [ mood | bouncy ] well lets see here i have started school its fun yes i just said school was fun lol its only like an hour and a half long every mornin except fri and the people in my class are all pretty decent so ya neway my brother craig and his wife and kids got here on sat evening i have missed them so much the kids are gettin so big i have spent everyday with them spolin them and being the best aunt ever its at least givin my brother and angelic time to relax and i actually really do like doin it...taken them places and swimmin and givin them baths and puttin them to bed ya know just doin what ya do...but i definatly dont want one of my own anytime soon...hahaha well as usual drama with guys has beein continuous but i said F*uck it i dont care anymore im so over it and i really have grown up alot i think in these last couple months and i have like a totally new out look on things and it has really affected my personality for the better in my oppinion but ya everything is actually for the first time in a whle startin to look up oh ya got a new kitten her names KITTY lol yup just KITTY i call her Kit Kat though.... i saw the best movie ever Eurotrip for anyone that doesnt know haha oh ya scotty doesnt know but thats bout it Cass: pep pizza okay for you...lol sorry bout that...i cant belive i havent seen you in like 2days its okay try not to miss me to much...just hold back the tears...haha ya right

(1 Laid.Out. x Get.Some.Sun.) MOMMY WOW IM A BIG GIRL NOW!!!! [23 Jun 2004|11:30pm] [ mood | excited ] yeaaa im so excited and nervous and scared all at the same time i start my class tomorrow and i know im makin it a bigger deal then it is but still its fun i dunno my hyperness has kicked in cause thats what happens when im nervous so i know im not gonna be able to sleep tonight just like the first night before you started like ne new school yr and your all like whao whats gonna happen and your all excited hehehe this is gonna be fun and interesting and im gonna meet new people and even if there are people i dont like with me im not gonna care cause oh well highschool is ova GAME OVA lol alright im gonna try and get to bed i'll definatly be writtin tomorrow im sure hehehe wait i think it just hit me i have to get up at 6:30 omg not this again i am NOT a mornin person uh ohhh wonder how well this is gonna work lol night

(Get.Some.Sun.) Have you ever [22 Jun 2004|11:35pm] [ mood | disappointed ] Have you ever smelled the rain? Yes i like it...it smells comfortin Have you ever had someone from your past suddenly appear? ya its interesting yet somewhat unwanted Have you ever felt like the whole world was right? yes unfortunatly not anymore Have you ever seen true beauty? yes my mother Have you ever felt that someone was more beautiful because of their flaws? haha yes Have you ever cried because you felt good? of course Have you ever walked along when it's cold outside and you have a fever? umm i have walked out in the cold before but i dont remember havin a fevor Have you ever wondered if the universe was sitting on someone's fingernail? no cant say i have sorry Have you ever seen the sky at night when the clouds look like flowers? all the time but it doesnt just look like flowers Have you ever had somebody care? Probably more people care than I am aware of Have you ever wanted something but then when you got it found out it wasn't what you needed? oh yes, all the time Have you ever tried to make things right, only to realize they work out if you let them be? unfortunatly yes but it doesnt make me feel any better Have you ever seen a grown man cry? Yes it was sad and i dont wanna see it again Have you ever seen an amazing lightning and thunder storm like they have in the midwest? Yes it was kinda scary i though i was gonna die Have you ever needed to be held? Yes! (I do right now!) Have you ever needed to cuddle? Yep (I do right now!!!) Have you ever made something you thought was great but no one else liked? everything i do no one likes so i just got used to it Have you ever made something that you thought was terrible that everyone else loved? ya i guess Have you ever been alone? like that alone feeling yes i have had it for a very long time now its not a nice feeling at all Have you ever splashed in puddles? oh yes! It's fun! lol Have you ever been really sick? yes it was no good Have you ever made a snowman in your front yard? no fl isnt the best place to do that Have you ever known what it was like to love and be loved in return? yes it kinda feels so good it hurts...if that makes sense Have you ever had a crush? Yes haha who hasnt Have you ever had a kiss? Yes many Have you ever known how good something was? Yes Have you ever not know how good it was until it's gone? Wow, yes Have you ever tried to write poetry but ended up throwing it away? Well, actually I usually save it just for future reference or something Have you ever found it later and laughed at yourself? Yeah all the time! Have you ever held the power? umm i have had power over people before cause i knew something they didnt yes Have you ever felt like you knew something was right? Yes i get my feelings there scary im psychic and im really not kiddin Have you ever seen something terribly sad happen right before your eyes? Yes.... lets not return to that Have you ever experienced true happiness? yes at one point in time Have you ever given a love letter? yes Have you ever tried to make someone feel better, just because you saw they were down? yes i like to make people happy Have you ever wanted a kiss? Sure have Have you ever needed a hug? Yep Have you ever wanted to just do things on impulse? Yes thats when its the most fun Have you ever wanted to paint a picture? yeah Have you ever wanted to just run? yes.. away from everything and everybody Have you ever needed to get away? Yes Have you ever tried? in my dreams Have you ever wanted to be a kid again? yes.. just b/c those were the best days of my life Have you ever blew big bubbles with pink gum? yes and then it went POP Have you ever lost a love? yes Have you ever experienced puppy love? yes Have you ever experienced love at first sight? yup Have you ever tried to tell someone something but the words wouldn't come out? Yes everyday Have you ever wanted to die? umm lets not go there Have you ever tried? again umm lets not go there Have you ever written a letter to someone you lost touch with? yes Have you ever walked down a country road with your friends? haha yes Have you ever gotten ice cream on a hot day? Yep =) Have you ever had a really good time with your best friends? yup Have you ever told them how much they mean to you? im not very good at that nemore i try not to get close Have you ever shown then that you love them? kinda have you ever told your parents you love them? ummm Have you ever told someone else you love them? yes Have you ever played with your old toys? not really i mean i have gone through them and looked at them rememberin old times but thats bout it Have you ever gone back in your mind and remembered? yes memories are all i have

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